MR. VAMPIRE (Hong Kong, 1985)



Directed by: Ricky Lau
Produced by: Sammo Hung
Starring: Lam Ching-ying, Chin Siu-ho, Ricky Hui, Moon Lee, Pauline Wong,
Wu Ma, Yuen Wah
96 minutes, 35mm, in Cantonese with English subtitles

What do Jack Scalia, Tanya Roberts, Sammo Hung and Lam Ching-ying have in common? All of them were involved with MR. VAMPIRE, Hong Kong's original hopping vampire (gyonshi*) movie. A medley of creepy and comic kung fu scored for an orchestra of stiff, hopping dead bodies MR. VAMPIRE launched a half dozen sequels and made the Manchu-robed pogo corpse an indelible part of the Hong Kong screamscape. And where exactly does the horror reside in a hopping corpse? The difference between a skipping corpse (silly) and a hopping corpse (scary) is a fine one, and it can't be explained with any expressive medium short of interpretive dance. Wait until you have one snuffling after your blood in a spooky, blue-lit nighttime forest and then drop us an email. There's horror in their relentless hop, hop hopping as well as the indignity of impending death at the hands of a creature that can't even go up the stairs.

But what of MR. VAMPIRE? It's the first real hopping vampire movie, but is it any good? In a nutshell: hell yes. Hopping vampires had put in cameos in Sammo Hung's ENCOUNTER OF THE SPOOKY KIND and Lau Kar-leung's SPIRITUAL BOXER 2, but with MR. VAMPIRE they finally earned their SAG card. Walking the line between scary and goofy like a drunk, MR. VAMPIRE weaves all over the map. It drops the emphasis on ritual so prevalent in other "Taoist priest fights evil fiend" flicks in favor of a breakneck plot that turns into a bat and flaps around your face in a frenetic fury of acrobatic slapstick, supernatural battles, and hand-to-corpse combat. Taking place in an isolated Chinese village, Lam Ching-ying plays the earnest, humorless Taoist priest who mans the local mortuary with his assistants: the stupid one (ace HK comedian, Ricky Hui) and the sexy one (kung fu star ascendant, Chin Siu-ho). Summoned by local fat cat, Mr. Yam, to preside over the reburial of his grandfather, Lam Ching-ying informs the hapless Yam that an irritable Taoist has purposely ruined his grandfather's burial and in doing so he has ruined Mr. Yam's life. Fortunately, the feng shui mischief had been caught in time and only one generation of the Yam clan, and half of Mr. Yam's life, has been ruined.

Lam Ching-ying suggests immediate cremation to solve the foul feng shui problem, but NO ONE LISTENS! And, as is the case in horror movies when no one listens to the one guy who knows what he's talking about, BAD THINGS HAPPEN! Before you can say "Have some garlic" Grandpa is back from the grave and he's ready to rock. Limbering up over the course of several action scenes (and a dinner or two of live rat) this stiff, hopping,
relentless gyonshi becomes a blackened, rubbery, door-smashing tar baby from hell (he's played by ace stuntman Yuen Wah, who trained with Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung). By the time the climax arrives we learn that absolutely everything in rural China is breakable, except the undead.

Yeah, yeah. Sounds good, but what does Jack Scalia have to do with it? Did hopping vampires invade the Dallas set? And Tanya Roberts? Did Charlie's Angels fight ginchy gyonshi back in the 70's? Far from it. The pneumatic Ms. Roberts and the phlegmatic Scalia were Lam Ching-ying's co-stars in an English-language remake of MR. VAMPIRE. Shooting had hardly started before Roberts and Scalia bought themselves a ticket home by demanding the comforts of Hollywood on a Hong Kong budget. Golden Harvest's Raymond Chow gladly sent them packing.

Q: What does it look like?
A: Clad in Manchu finery, its skin blackened with rot, its teeth crumbling, and completely blind, it tracks down its victims by sniffing out their warm breath.

Q: Where do they come from?
A: Hell.

Q: Where else?
A: Originally, the corpses were reanimated so that corpse herders could rope them together and lead them back to their home provinces for burial.

Q: Why do they hop?
A: Because they're dead. They've got rigor mortis.

Q: What do they do?
A: Their outstretched arms have razor-sharp fingernails on the end and they can smash through doors. Humans who are bitten or scratched by hopping vampires become vampires of the more traditional Western sort, who grow fangs and try to suck blood. They are relentless, unstoppable, and want to kill you.

Q: Why do they want to kill me?
A: Because they're evil and dead and stinky.

Q: How can I kill them?
A: You can't. They're immune to bullets, and can be put down only by repeated kicks to the head, sucking their "corpse sting" out of their mouths or, failing that, being soaked in oil and set ablaze. This should be left to a licensed Taoist priest.

Q: Can you tell me anything else about them?
A: In Chinese, hopping vampires are called gyonshi. This is a good word to know. Go down to Chinatown and say it to people and they will think you're cool.